high school diaries

My high school life is coming to an end, which is very weird. All throughout my childhood, I couldn't wait to go to high school. As soon as I got to high school, I couldn't wait for it to end. Now the end is here and I feel very, very weird.

It's not that I don't want to leave. I'm beyond excited to escape the Eden Prairie bubble and try new things and meet new people. And it's not that I want to bust out of here either. I have met so many amazing and interesting people during my time at EPHS, most of whom I wish I had befriended earlier on rather than in the last few months.

It's more of an identity crisis.

What? An identity crisis? For God's sake, Camille, you're not even 18. You can't have an identity crisis just because you're graduating high school!

Okay okay, inner voice, hear me out. I understand that I'm reacting weirdly. I said it was complicated. I'm prepared to look at this post in 20 years and think back to what a confused idiot I was, and am. But I can't help it.

All my life I've been young. I've always been a young person. So much of my identity and the things I've worked for have had to do with being a high schooler, whether it be empowering young people to stand up against the evil older generation or convincing said generation to take teenagers seriously. I've always been able to excuse my stupidity with the fact that I'm just a kid. I've always looked at kid geniuses and thought "What a cool kid my age!" and now I think "Shit, that 12 year old has done more with their life than I have". I live for cheesy high school movies that I can compare to my current state of mind.

Don't get me wrong. It's not like graduating high school turns me into an old lady. I will be a young person for quite a while longer. However, turning 18 and leaving home is the quintessential "coming of age" schtick. And here I am, doing it. I am coming of age. (Barf)

I don't want to NOT grow up, I just don't feel quite ready to be an adult, and I feel like graduating high school is that first step to becoming a little bit more of a grown up. I mean, I have responsibilities now. This is coming from a fairly responsible teenager, and I'm still scared shitless to have to take care of my own stuff. I'll be experiencing my first few years of independence in New York City. If that's not completely terrifying to a 17 year old child like myself, I don't know what is.

However, the clock only moves forward. I can't keep freaking out over growing up because it's going to happen whether I like it or not. So I have a plan (I told you I'm responsible).

I'm going to try and write as my of my favorite things from high school as I can and post them on this blog. For the whole summer. It could be a quick anecdote, maybe a random tidbit I think might be interesting, a full fledged story, an old piece I wrote and want to formally publish, or a profile on a person that I've come across who I feel writing about. I'm hoping that by looking back at my 4 years of high school, (I might dip into middle school too), I'll be able to wrap it up neatly and be ready to move onto the next chapter of my life. I'm going to try to pump out at least one a week, but depending on the length of the story or stories, it'll vary.

I don't want to censor myself. I want to put in real details of real things that really happened. I'm going to use real names and describe real feelings. It may be embarrassing, it may be offensive, and it will most likely be a huge dose of TMI. For that reason, this first introductory post will be the only one I'm going to post on social media. If you want to follow along, you'll have to check back on this blog to see if I wrote anything new. I might tweet out a couple of my favorites, but I also might forget about this project midway through the summer and never write again. Who knows.

If you get inspired by this project and create something cool (story, film, art, whatever), please don't hesitate to send it to me! My twitter is always poppin @theonechameleon, or you could shoot me an email at camille.ramos18@gmail.com. I was personally inspired by my twin sister, Chloe, whose series "Whatever Forever" is about to kick off. Watch the trailer here!

Anyway.

This is about to get real personal real quick.

See you around,
Camille