a picture with words: where i'm at

I forgot to publish this before I went to college. I was going through my old posts and I decided that I want to have this up on my blog, even though I'm an idiot and totally forgot I even wrote this. So here it is, 5 weeks later. I hope you enjoy.

There are officially only a couple of days left until I get on a plane to New York to start my new life. It's kind of insane to think that the moment that I've been waiting for is finally here.

I want to capture this moment. I'll never be this version of Camille again, which I am more than happy with. I am excited to learn and grow and become a different version of myself. Nevertheless, I want to remember who I was and am at this very moment before I head off to make one of the biggest changes in my life thus far. This post will be divided into two parts: Part A will describe who I am right now August 24th 2016, and Part B will illustrate some hopes that I have for my future self.

PART A

I am happy overall. Even though my moods definitely fluctuate (I'm a teenage girl, what can you expect?) I can confidently say that I am content with myself and my achievements. I honestly believe I am doing everything I can do be the best person I can be. I have flaws, no doubt about it, but I've made my peace with them and working towards lessening their impact on my personality and disposition.

I'm a procrastinator. I will make up the dumbest reasons to not complete a certain task or put it off for a while. My time management skills are embarrassing to say the least.

I am optimistic. I believe that though horrible things happen all the time, society is moving towards a brighter future. I believe that I can make my life and the lives of others better. 

I am awkward, oh lord am I awkward. I wish I wasn't so bad at basic human interaction, especially with people my age or older than me (I'm pretty great with people younger than me).

I love Crime TV shows, especially White Collar and Psych where it isn't too gory or realistic because I hate things that are scary. I'm also currently obsessed with the O.C. which is ironic because aren't I supposed to hate California as a New Yorker?

I still haven't finished Breaking Bad.

For the coming year, I am a mix of excited and nervous. Both emotions are extreme and all consuming. I'm excited to meet new people and learn new things, but I am nervous that I won't meet anybody interesting or that nobody will like me and that school will be too hard. 

PART B

I want to find a career that I genuinely enjoy. It doesn't have to be perfect every day, that'd be unrealistic to expect that. However, whether I'm still writing or I'm working in film or art, I hope I enjoy it overall.

I want to be less naive. I want to experience more and learn more about who I am and the world. I don't want to become jaded and cynical, I'm simply looking forward to growing up.

I want to be better at taking risks. If you know me in real life at this present moment, you'll know that danger and Camille don't go well together. Due to this, I've missed out on so many experiences and opportunities. It's time for that to change.

I want to become more selfish. I can't tell if it's because I'm so Minnesota Nice, but I have serious problems with taking things for myself, accepting gifts, and stuff like that because I don't want to impose on the other problem. It's time I learn it's okay to impose to some extent, it's okay to depend on others, and it's okay to think about myself and only myself just a little bit.

I want to continue being creative. I hope I find time to do something that exercises my creative muscles, like painting or taking photos or writing. 

I want to travel. I want to see as many places in the world and meet as many unique people that I can. I want to be able to immerse myself into exotic cultures and take parts of them for myself.


Thanks for reading.  Past me, you did good. Future me, go forth and conquer.

x Camille